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Theological Questions

How many tormenting theological questions wouldn't be answered correctly if we thought of God as a programer?

Does God control everything that happens to me in this damned life? He might ... if he used a debugger but it's so boring to check what happens with all those variables...

Why does God allow evil things to happen? Because He thought He ruled them out in version one.

Does God know everything?
He likes to think so but he is always amazed at what the test team discovers.

What makes Him interfere with earth beings business, anyway?
If a critical error occurs the system calls him automatically and He logs on from home, trying to fix it. If He doesn't succeed, things can wait until the next morning.

Did God really make the world in seven days?
Yeah, in fact there were seven days and seven nights, while He was living on lolipops and Coca Cola. In the seventh day He went home and realized His wife deserted Him.

How is it that miracles'time is over?
That was the developmental stage. Now we're in teh maintainance stage.

Who is Satan?
Satan is the department chief who thinks he has more power that he is really assigned so all the people who are not programers are very frightened of him. God thinks him annoying but irrelevant.

What role play the sinners?
The sinners are people who find all the time methods to confuse the system, although God conceived it resistent to human idiocy.

Where do we go after death?
On a backup DVD .

Shall we reincarnate??
No, if there is no special need to recreate you. As searching through the backup files is one of teh saddest tasks, even if such a need appears, God will most surely say the DVD was deleted by mistake.

Am I unique and special in this universe?
There are over 10,000 companies that run identical copies of this version of "you".

What is the purpose of the universe?
God created it elegant and simple and then tactless users asked Him to add a series of idiotic functions making it more complicated and more expensive than ever.

Well, what if God hears me?
You may try waste His time by telling Him what to do but it's better to let Him build the program as he thinks suitable.

Which religion is the true one?
All systems have advantages and disadvantages, so choose the one that accomplishes most of your needs and don't let anybody convert you.

How should I stay away from evil?
Change your password every month and don't use as password a name, a common word or a date, like your birthdate.

Some people pretend they can hear God. Is it true?
It's much more probable to get an e-mail. Some people say God is love. This is not a question. Rephrase your issue.

Abort, Retry, Fail? .

 

 

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